My Swimming Trunks Have Been Sucked Off May 2026

The water was lovely. The sun was warm. My $12 novelty swim trunks (featuring a pattern of rubber ducks, which now feels bitterly ironic) were loose, comfortable, and buoyant.

If you are reading this because you just typed those exact words into Google—panicked, water-logged, and questioning every life choice that led you to that specific pool filter—take a deep breath. You are not alone. This article is your lifeline. Let me set the scene. It was a sweltering 95-degree afternoon at the local aquatic center. I was minding my own business, floating lazily above the main drain at the deep end of the pool. For the uninitiated, the main drain is a large, circular grate at the bottom of the pool designed to circulate water to the filtration system.

By: A Survivor (Who is currently blushing)

They handed them to me on a mop handle. I have never pulled on a pair of shorts faster in my life. If you are reading this because your swimming trunks have been sucked off, take heart. In the grand spectrum of public humiliation, this is a 7/10 for embarrassment but a 1/10 for actual harm. No one remembers the naked guy for more than five minutes—unless he does a naked lap. Don’t do that.

For reasons involving faulty pressure valves and a suction power set to “industrial vacuum,” the drain decided to take an offering. I felt a gentle tug on my backside. Then a firm pull. Then a violent, upward whoosh as the fabric of my trunks was ripped from my waist, folded into an origami nightmare, and disappeared into the black abyss of the pool’s filtration system.

Then, the pump cycled on.